When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
