I think I died a long time ago.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
