theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
