You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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