You're completely useless in the revolution.
i think i have two assholes
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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