Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
