so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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