remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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