So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
