If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
