no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
