I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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