I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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