she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
