We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's official drugs can't kill me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
