The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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