the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
