Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
