I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
