I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
