I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
