I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
