Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
