So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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