Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
