my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
