Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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