Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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