if i died would you start the facebook group?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
