i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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