my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize