I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
