I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
