How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
