I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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