And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
