So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize