I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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