Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
