i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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