Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
