Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
