I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
