i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
