What a fucking waste of an outfit
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
