So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
