All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
