I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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