yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
