I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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