at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
