she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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