he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
