can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
