You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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