First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
why do cheetos always look like penises
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
