so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
