pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize
