Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
