I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
