drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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