Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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