Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
