I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
