She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
