I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize