I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
