Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
