i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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