PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
