Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
