found the other keg... it's in the tree
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
