Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
