Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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