She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
