Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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