Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
