Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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