oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
